As I took a break from work and had a minor "excursion" on the pier close to my home, I learned something new about myself.
The pier - as I call it, being unfamiliar with any colloqiual nautical term - is a long, narrow, concrete path stretching out of the beach. Surrounding and supporting it against the action of waves are huge rocky square blocks, playfully positioned like giant sugar cubes, randomly splayed out on top of each other.
People sit on those blocks, at the end of the pier, even hang out fishing rods in hope of getting a decent catch. Today, I decided I'd just sit there and listen to my iPod, while gazing out at the sea. I started thinking, as I do at these moments, trying to find some sort of inspiration, in order to keep me going in life. And I noticed the large gaps in between the blocks.
I realised that they weren't that large - a single pace would have covered some easily. They weren't too deep either, just 3 or 4 metres at most. But they appeared large and untraversable because of their context. A mild wind blowing away from the water and a slightly less than even relief made me feel like I would be crazy to cross one medium sized gap. My heart appeared to palpitate inside me, and my head was full of all sorts of ideas - from "you can cross it", to "one shaky foot step and you could kill yourself", to "all you'll get if you fall is a few bruises and maybe a broken bone".
I eventually forced myself to listen to the one that went, "See? If it was 20cm deep, the same width, and in the middle of the road, you'd jump over it. You're too scared about something that has such a small chance of happening, that you'd probably let it happen in order to prove yourself right."
I stepped over the gap. A bit quickly, fleetingly feeling that going too slow would mean that the force of gravity would overpower my motion and pull me down to grave injury. Or death. I moved quickly enough to cross a few more blocks, though the gaps were slightly smaller.
And I sat down again, and realised, that's what's been wrong with my entire life. I've been too afraid to try anything that appeared to have the slightest chance of danger. Every tiny aspect that could go wrong has always been registered in my mind, and steered well clear of.
I turned around, and stepped over the gap again. Then I told myself, that if the feeling I got when I tried to cross the first time, returned before another decision I had to make, I'd do what I did then. I'd just hang onto everything and walk over that gap once more.
