Fear

As I took a break from work and had a minor "excursion" on the pier close to my home, I learned something new about myself.
The pier - as I call it, being unfamiliar with any colloqiual nautical term - is a long, narrow, concrete path stretching out of the beach. Surrounding and supporting it against the action of waves are huge rocky square blocks, playfully positioned like giant sugar cubes, randomly splayed out on top of each other.
People sit on those blocks, at the end of the pier, even hang out fishing rods in hope of getting a decent catch. Today, I decided I'd just sit there and listen to my iPod, while gazing out at the sea. I started thinking, as I do at these moments, trying to find some sort of inspiration, in order to keep me going in life. And I noticed the large gaps in between the blocks.
I realised that they weren't that large - a single pace would have covered some easily. They weren't too deep either, just 3 or 4 metres at most. But they appeared large and untraversable because of their context. A mild wind blowing away from the water and a slightly less than even relief made me feel like I would be crazy to cross one medium sized gap. My heart appeared to palpitate inside me, and my head was full of all sorts of ideas - from "you can cross it", to "one shaky foot step and you could kill yourself", to "all you'll get if you fall is a few bruises and maybe a broken bone".
I eventually forced myself to listen to the one that went, "See? If it was 20cm deep, the same width, and in the middle of the road, you'd jump over it. You're too scared about something that has such a small chance of happening, that you'd probably let it happen in order to prove yourself right."
I stepped over the gap. A bit quickly, fleetingly feeling that going too slow would mean that the force of gravity would overpower my motion and pull me down to grave injury. Or death. I moved quickly enough to cross a few more blocks, though the gaps were slightly smaller.
And I sat down again, and realised, that's what's been wrong with my entire life. I've been too afraid to try anything that appeared to have the slightest chance of danger. Every tiny aspect that could go wrong has always been registered in my mind, and steered well clear of.
I turned around, and stepped over the gap again. Then I told myself, that if the feeling I got when I tried to cross the first time, returned before another decision I had to make, I'd do what I did then. I'd just hang onto everything and walk over that gap once more.

Generation what?

What happened in the 60s and 70s? Two generations of people expressed themselves in different ways, each championing different ideals and "values". The first advocated a peaceful, free, and spiritual world. The other seemed to be a group addicted to either apathy, or to rebellion against everything that conformed to "normalcy". Each of these images and ideals was held in some way by a large number of youth, defining their generation.
What does today's generation have? No cries for peace, no civil disobedience, no anger against some noble cause (except for securing the permanancy of your job, as in France). What is the symbol that defines today's generation?
The internet? Chatting to other people half-way around the world, making friends in countries hardly heard of, taking part in incredibly realistic role-playing games, finding out about interesting subjects. or even expressing their views on blogs. Sounds alright... but is that it?
Maybe the 2 billion people under 18 will be known in the future for being incredibally materialistic, small-minded and feeble. Everyone will be remembered for living in the sphere of their iPod, texting friends about parties, and just coming out to champion a cause only when forced to by guilt.
Sure, every year, we hear that teenagers today are doing so much better than their parents, getting better exam results, and being more socially aware. And much of it is true: students are working harder than generations before them, are doing better in studies, and are able to see and understand more of the world than any before them.
So what? Yeah, people work hard, and they do learn exotic things like surfing and mandarin chinese. But the thing is, they don't have anything to fight for.
Atleast, they aren't fighting out loud. There's nothing for them to live for, no cause to save, nothing that they can care about so much that they all campaign against it. And why aren't they doing it? Cos we live in a culture these days that allows people to just expect other people to do stuff for them. Don't protest, someone else can do it for you. Don't think about doing this, that's someone else's hard work. You work too much. Take a break, hang out with your friends.
I hate this. I wanna go out and do something great, something that people will remember for centuries, something that gives a reason for my existence. Right now, this generation doesn't have want to do anything big, anything massive.
Why? Cos we get everything that's hip and trendy, and we are happy to just play around with our stuff.
I'd like to go after something bigger, an idea that defines who I am - and something new at that. As soon as I find it, I'll wear it on my shirt.

Much ado about Pluto

A body of astronomers has agreed that an object about 40 au away from the sun can no longer be called a planet, after a week or so of media tension.
I like science, physics especially, and astronomy, astrophysics and cosmology interest me a lot. I've read books on the subjects, and other aspects of science, written by scientists. And I check the news on science and space. From this viewpoint, it seems that the media hype surrounding Pluto's "demotion" is a bit surreal, superfluous and ....well, stupid.
If you kept your eye out for news about the vote by members of the IAU, you'll have heard about it being "hijacked" by "Pluto-haters" and so on. People are also upset at the fact that they have to adjust long-remembered mnemonics. Some, feeling that Pluto has been officialy thrown out of the "in-club" of planets because of its size, accuse those who voted against Pluto's planethood of being bullies.
All this about the grouping of a spherical mass of ice millions of kilometres away, that we know very little about, that was only known to humans for about 70 years.
Well, alright, perhaps it is important to know whether it is a planet or not, in order to understand how our solar system, and ultimately how we, came into being.
The best thing about science is that our views can change, depending on the evidence we have. So what if Pluto ain't a planet anymore? It doesn't fit in with the rest. Leave it out ... for now. Right now, there's a probe on it's way to Pluto called New Horizons, and it's out there to find out more about it. If it finds out that it should be a planet again, alright, we made a mistake, and so let's change the theory again. Sure, we may deny half a generation of schoolchildren the chance to have nine planets in their science projects, but hey, it's one less piece of work for their parents to do the night before it's due.

Making The World A Better Place

I saw this thing on TV last night where a film producer or writer said that people with talent should use it wisely. Like, instead of producing a 5 years of a daily half hour soap-opera with just mere entertainment value, using that talent to make a film that really makes the audience think. That's just what I think is wrong with TV these days - all you have to do is sit and watch. Don't think about anything you watch, just look at it, laugh when there's a cue, go awwww when the recorded voices do so and just ignore anything unless it dares to cross your field of vision.

Even the stuff that is meant to make you think about the world differently, documentaries and culture programmes, often make a hollywood movie out of something that may be quite important. Nothing wrong with that, except, the audience just sits on the sofa lapping up everything, but aren't really compelled to do anything. The great shots of animals, people, and nature just fill us with emotion, but do we often remember what the message was about? One doc like that once in a while is pretty good. It stands out in the memory, and we might just remember it during the days we're meant to sit about and tell stories. But the problem is that there's hundreds of them on any of the hundreds of channels, and as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt.

Then there's the stuff that really bug me - the films, programmes and channels that really patronise your intelligence, and take the phrase "good taste" to new depths. A bit of swearing doesn't really annoy me. I swear a lot, compared to the people I hang around with. But the producers of these things seem to think that the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary defines a sentence as a group of words containing a verb and/or a phrase that is meant to insult/demean or expresses/suggests extreme frustration.

And there's comedy. There's a lot of satire and stuff around, but also a lot of slapstick. A balance of the suff is good. But again, there's too much of it sometimes. And we forget why it was funny in the first place.

I've just mentioned a few of the things that are on the box these days, feeling quite sure there's a lot more on TV that shouldn't be. The fact is, TV is a powerful medium cos a) almost everyone's got one, and b) it is visual, and stuff that's visual is pretty ... effective. And used in the right way, by the right people, it could get everyone to do something that makes the world a much better place to respire, excrete, respond, feed, grow etc. in. But, as everyone else in the world will be trying to tell me, a lot depends on the people who watch it. You can't blame everything on the guys on the other side of the screen. Viewing habits need to change. So next time something that isn't worth your attention is on, turn it off. Cos then they'll really know what you, and the world, deserve.

Cricket

Well, what can I say? 'Cept that I don't like cricket .... I love it-er! Well, I did. Or I do. I'm not sure now. I love the wickets and the teamwork and the applause and all. But sometimes when I play, or rather, every time I play, the dream ends up horribly wrecked - smashed up into pieces, or, ironically, hit for 6.

Why? Well, being a bit - okay, quite a bit - unskilled in all 3 disciplines doesn't help that much. Being a bit of a sprinter, I can run to field balls now and then, but even that goes a bit wrong cos I can't return the ball with power. i.e, my throwing is weaker than a baby's (but then again, they can throw rattles with the strength of an adult shot-putter, so the comparison is a bit distorted).

Bowling - well, I'd like a few chances to do so, but then again, I feel I could muck up the entire course of the match with a 6-ball run fest. And there are a few champion bowlers in this side, believe me. Real skill.

That leaves batting. Well, the less said the better. Maybe it's my bat, which I love for it's sweet touch, and light weight. But maybe I have to grow a couple of inches more to really use it. But that's just beside the point. I can't strike the ball hard enough, or move my feet quickly enough. Highest score of ... 6 ( though it should have been seven had the fielding side been honest about a boundary). I don't get onto the front foot fast enough, or rather, I just keep my feet wide enough to be in a sort of ambiguous forward/backward stance. And worse, I just ... block. That's all. No aggresion or imagination.

Well, worse than the feeling you get from continual underacheivement, is the feeling that you don't fit into the team, or that you aren't helping them at all. And basically, I guess I feel this most of the time. So, it's not very easy to keep things in focus.

Beginning

Well, what am I supposed to do right now? I'm trying to get to work, but nothing really gets me going. I'm either afraid of failure, or too lazy to do all the sweat-breaking stuff. I hope writing here helps. I might swap language somewhere here, cos I want to. Wow. There is NO privacy these days are there?
I just want to make a difference somewhere, somehow.